My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
