i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He shit in the fireplace
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
