First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm bleeding and have questions
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize