I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
