i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
