You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
