if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
