so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
