i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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