new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
