i just wanna soil my oats bro
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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