Can i not drive my cunt home
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
