I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
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I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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