She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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