You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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