Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Farmville is her only friend.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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