I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think i have two assholes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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