I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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