the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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