I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
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I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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