but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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