Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
