Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
