the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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