So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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