I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
