hotel room ftw
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
