i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
