I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
