Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
