I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
