East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
