She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
