Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
