What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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