I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
