Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.