lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.