I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
