please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
