a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
