You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
