the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
