just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
