He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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