4 words: hood of his car
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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