I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
