Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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