Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
