yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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