You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
