Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
