My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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