Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she smelled like a LAN party
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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