I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
