I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
