So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
