help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
