He had one of those small greek statue penises
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
