My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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