you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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