Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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