Im at strip club and am horny
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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