Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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