party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
