Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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