i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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