he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize