Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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