she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
