twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
