I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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