so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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