Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
