Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
