Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
kristin has been a bad kristin
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
