You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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