hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
