whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
