He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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