You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
