if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
