Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
