I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
